A Tit Cooling Constitutional
Context
There I was in the Zoom meeting, submitting to the wear and tear of being in view of myself and how others see me. Listening to the empty sycophantic prostrations of a colleague. A colleague who only bothers to kiss my ass when it can fall flat in a room because I am not catching that shit anymore. When it is of consequence and the situation calls for bolstering and individuals like myself need genuine support, there is none. So, I sit at the end of this meeting boiling. The heat is in my ears and cheeks first. My round, pink-toned cheeks full of red heat. Looking like someone painted tomatoes on my face. The heat spreading up the back of my neck into my scalp and raining down into my chest where my madly thumping heart wants to scream a percussive beat. My tits are hot and not in the pleasantly aroused hot, but in the I am going to Hulk out if this meeting does not wrap up in a minute. The meeting ends. Phew. It’s over, right?! Nope. The meeting is done, but my emotional letdown is stalling. So, I decide on a walk in the crisp 40° cool today. Because these tits need some calm and cool.
Process
It’s in this constitutional I start to text a friend and walk through my process. Why was the brown-nosing so angering? Was it bitchy of me to disregard the ass-kissing feints? Do I feel bad for any of this?
Disingenuousness. Brown-nosing is angering to me when it’s empty and lacking in genuine compliment and compassion.
Bitchiness. Yes, it was bitchy of me to completely ignore and give no reaction to the comments. It was protection and self-care. Bitchiness gets shit done.
Badness. I CHOOSE not to feel badly for my actions. Ignoring empty comments does not harm me or another.
It’s in the realizations I begin to feel the load slide off my chest. My tits cool and calm. An all-encompassing genuineness, assuredness, and goodness swallow me.
In capturing this, I have had another realization. I am talking boundaries. I do not have a tolerance for disingenuousness. I will stick up for myself/protect myself. I affirm my choices.
Final Thoughts
The capture of the pond and ditch in the picture are a mirror for the beauty and the slurry of moments and days where humanity is full steam. For me, it is a reflection of everything I have been and have experienced as a human and an empath. I am a beautiful slurry.
