The Weight
Highly sensitive people get a bad rap. To be seen as sensitive or to show any sensitivity at all is stigmatized. Much of society wants to label this as weakness and tell sensitive people that there is something wrong with taking “things to heart.” Some of this has to do with people not taking the time to understand, learn, know, and/or open themselves up to experiencing things from a different perspective. Many are perfectly content to live their lives as they live them and to separate themselves from others and their experiences. But for those of us who are highly sensitive and also empathic there is no escaping — no way to remove ourselves and/or separate ourselves from difference, from feeling, and from knowing the lives of others.
To be an empath or be empathic is different from showing empathy. Almost anyone can show empathy — that is they try to understand or relate to others, but not everyone is an empath — that is to feel the feelings of others, to know what another is going through without being told. In the same, someone can be highly sensitive, but not empathic. Highly sensitive people are attuned to injustices, difference, and more easily show empathy when necessary.
Feeling the feelings of others, knowing what someone is going through without being told is a blessing and a curse. The blessings are being able to help people, show support, build trust, have knowledge others do not, learn from others’ experiences, being able to empathize, be reminded of what it is to be human, give kindness, feel new things, and learn new things about the people around you. The curses are struggles with not being seen, not being appreciated, carrying the weight of other people’s feelings in addition to your own, and getting lost in feelings and not knowing/remembering what feelings came from what person (including your own).
“Take a load off, Fanny
Take a load for free
Take a load off, Fanny
And (and) (and) you put the load right on me
(You put the load right on me)”
Some days being an empath can feel like a huge weight and burden. People intentionally and unintentionally take advantage of empaths. Empaths make people feel comfortable and at ease with sharing their load, and this is at the expense of the person receiving the offload. The easiest way for empaths to more easily carry the weight and shed the load is for people to recognize that we, too, have problems and we, also like to have people ask about us. Imagine doing this emotional labor day in and out, having people tell you what’s up with them and you asking them how they are, but as the empath getting little to no people asking on you — how you are, what you’ve been up to, and anything new going on? Empaths are not immune to human-ness. We don’t wake up having great and perfect days. Every. Damn. Day. No, we have our flaws, our bad days, our mistakes, our own fuck-ups, and we need people to ask about how we are. Carrying the weight of other people’s emotions does not make us strong, solid walls of stoic perfection. Emotionally, we bench like champions, but we are sponges porous, soft, and absorbent. And like the sponge, we need rinsed, wrung out, and aired out. So, sometimes, alike you, we need people to give a damn, ask about us, and give us space to let it all out or let it go.
Maybe you’re an empath and don’t yet know it? Here are some ways to help you identify:
- People you do know confide in you often about things.
- People you have just met tell you things they have never told anyone before and/or tell you things that they wouldn’t normally share with someone they just met.
- You will get hit with an emotion with no explanation.
- You will have thoughts about people that end up occurring. Ex: your friend tells you they are pregnant days after you had the thought they might be.
- You get overwhelmed by another person’s plight (that isn’t your own).
- The emotions of others can quickly become your own.
Empaths, one thing you can do to help alleviate the weight is to let your people know what you need. Often, we may find ourselves in helping and thinking about others and forgetting to advocate for ourselves, our own needs and wants. We can be the greatest help and support when we also are helping and supporting ourselves. The best way to do this, is to make it known what we need and what our intentions are.
